online dating

So I am trying my hand at online dating.  I thought it would be an easy way to slide back into dating. Well, maybe not so much.  I am attractive apparently to large biker men, men over sixty, and men who look like they might have other women tied up in an attic or basement.  Biker men are fine for biker chics.  Men over sixty are fine for other women but that would be like dating my father-in-law, umm ex father-in-law??Dad??Ok you get who I mean.  As for the other guys, I don't do well in captivity so thanks for the interest but no thanks.

There are at least some honest guys.  Those are the ones who tell you they are really just looking for sex and are not interested in a relationship.  Oh wait, I can not forget the guy at the pool who told me I was cute even though I was chubby.  He was honest. Great.

So I get the brilliant idea to sign up for eHarmony.  Not so brilliant.  I go through the torture of answering all the bazillions of questions that takes hours.  If you want to know what my friends think of me then why can't you have an option to send a survey to a friend? I don't know what they think! My first set of matches includes 27 men and I was really excited!  Twenty seven men! There has got to be someone in there that I would date since eharmony has all those commercials saying how they go through a six hundred point matching system so you will find your soulmate on their site.  They show all those cute couples who are now married and the date they got matched and all.  They knew as soon as they saw each other that this was "THE" person for them.  Well not me.  There was not one person I would have remotely thought about dating so I think I am being way to picky right?? So I go through all my parameters again and say a sixty mile radius and height isnt important and drinking more then once a week is fine. Still I get no new matches.  So I redo all my parameters again.  I am really ok with any level of drinking and if they live within a 120 mile radius thats cool.  Really, if the guy is just a smidge taller then me I can deal with it.  Balding? Well not the best scenario but I will give it a shot.  Nothing.  eharmony is not able to match me with anyone at this time.  Really??Seriously??!!!So I change my parameters again.  I will take any human with a penis, that lives in the country, that drinks any amount.  Smokes?? Sure.  Criminal record? If he is out of jail, Sure why not?  Hair? who cares?  I will take a guy that likes any kind of music, will watch any kind of movie, has seen a book at some point in his life and is still breathing on his own.  We are sorry but eharmony can not find any matches for you at this time but hundreds of new people sign up everyday, try back tomorrow.