In going through a divorce you start to realize all the little things you wind up doing by yourself that you never thought about before. Silly things. You are doing something and suddenly think hmmm this would be great if so and so were here. Do you change sides of the bed? All married couples have designated sides of the bed. Do you experiment and switch? I have found myself sleeping diagonally across the bed. And when you wake up in the middle of the night and hear some strange noise who do you send to go investigate? Who plays back up? There is no one to say "if I am not back in 30 seconds call the police" to when you go to investigate. You are on your own to fend off any crazy stalkers that might be lurking your property. Not referencing anyone in particular here...just sayin it could happen. When you want to vent about inane things that your friends have done that really ticked you off who do you call? You can't call your friends. Most of my friends hang out in the same circles and it might get back to them. You want to go see a great band that you love. I would never go by myself. Being third wheel is not fun. You want Chinese food. We all know one portion of that can feed at least two people. Who do you share with? There is a giant spider in the corner of the kitchen that is looking at you with hungry eyes. This doesnt always hold true for guys but I do know some guys who hate spiders. Who do you ask to kill this hungry invader? You wash I'll dry doesnt work anymore. There is no one to steal food off their plate from. That whole oh I just want a salad but then I am gonna eat half of your fries thing doesnt work anymore either. I actually had to order my own fries. New restaurant???ok you order that and i will order this and we can share....nope.
Granted Mark and I are great friends. We are actually getting along better then we have in years. I am really enjoying being friends with him again. There is just that connection to someone else where they finish your sentences, fill in words you can't think of, let you snuggle in when you just need to be quiet after a crazy day and not expect anything else that is missing. Then there is that knowledge that you dont have to worry about them popping out of the bedroom in your bra and panties with hot pink nail polish on. Ok well most people dont have to worry about that.
On a different note about dating now. This new millennium dating thing is much more complicated then it was when we were teens, or at least when I was a teen. Apparently Men have much bigger egos that constantly need to be fed when they get older. They think women are bad??? I look fat I need to go to the gym more. Is this getting to thin on top?? If I was hotter looking you would give it up more. And while we are on the topic of giving it up.....I think you are expected to do it more now then when we were teens. If you haven't had sex on like the second date you are apparently frigid. Yes I have been called frigid. Now let's be blunt here people. I have six children. I have done quite a bit more then six times. I am hardly what anyone would call frigid. Even if you don't know me that well I am sure you have heard me make overtures and innuendos. I am not embarrassed by "guy talk" and am more likely to give it right back then to balk at an overtly sexual comment. I have seen plenty of porn, a bit more then I would like actually. So I am not frigid. Nor will I jump into bed with any schmo who buys me a drink. I am not interested in a few booty calls. I am pretty sure most of us have a friend who would be obliging, someone we have known and are comfortable with that we don't see that often that we could call for that instead of a stranger whose past could be questionable at best. I will not be pressured into sex to prove that I like someone. If you are a recently divorced woman, please please do not fall into this trap. I am sure that your self esteem is at a low point and I completely understand that. No guy who is interested in you as a person and wants a relationship is going to push the sex issue and will wait till you are ready. Square your shoulders, stand up straight, put on your best "oh your poor man face" and tell him he just missed a great thing and walk away. I bet 9 times out of 10 he is gonna call you.
It seems that many couples, who were at the end of their marriage, find that they can be friends, once the pressure of being friends and spouses is off. There is a sense of being able to let go. Now that we are no longer married..I don't have to micro-manage everything he/she does or says. I don't have to find explanations or excuses, instead, I can just shake my head if I am annoyed and walk away, thinking: "whatever". Friendship is much less complicated than marriage.
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